Right, see, boyo; Talfryn ‘ere, see, Captain Main-warin’, see, you bastards, see.

So Richard bloody Davies thinks he’s king of the Welshies, does he, see, boyo, Captain Main-warin’, see? I’ll fuckin’ give him ‘Mr bastard Glamorgan’, see.

So he’s worried about people thinkin’ he can only do Welshies, is he, see, the bloody great aaarse ffau! I wouldn’t even know HOW to play anything but belligerent and/or stupid Welshies with bizaaaarrre right angled teeth. Like I give a fuck, man, see, ‘cos I was Tom Price, the scruffy Welsh murderer in ‘Survivors’ and I was Private Cheeseman in Dad’s Aaaaarrrmy. And I was in an episode of the Persuaders, see, with Tony bloody Curtis and Roger bastard Moore, isn’t it?  

Compared to me, Davies is about as Welsh as Boris bloody Yeltsin.

 Here’s how Welsh I am:  

  1. I’ve got a really Welsh accent.
  2. I’m called TALFRYN.
  3. My penis is shaped like a leek.
  4. And is the same colour.
  5. I’ve got ‘LUDO' tattooed on my John Thomas, and when I’m aroused (24/7, man) it reveals the name of my favourite Welsh town*.

So kiss my aaarsse, so-called Richaaard Davies, and sew a button on this: