Tim C's Shitcoms

Three Up Two Down

Southern middle-class "comedy" of manners i.e. nothing to offer us lot in the parochial north, so fuck 'em.
It had Lysette Anthony in it, who was to that show what Stacy Dorning was to "Keep it in the Family". But still utter rubbish.

3u2d: Just enough to cup, definitely enough to probe.

Keep it in the Family

Only redeeming feature was Stacy Dorning, who had a Devo poster on her bedroom wall. Nice. The sitcom itself was pure drivel. Sample "joke": main character - a cartoon artist - says to his glove puppet "I don't know about you, but one of us is crazy!".

It Ain't 'alf Hot Mum

It Weren't 'alf Sh!te Mum. Colonial japery in India with one-trick-pony Windsor Davies and a cast assembled from the not-so-great and the not-so-good...written by the not-so-talented.

"You chewed!"

"Oh, no, I didn't!"

Vulgar Don Estelle/Windsor Davies  'It Ain't Half Hot Mum' 70s Fruit Pastilles advert reference may be a bit esoteric for some of our readers.

Ever Decreasing Circles

More middle-class scheisser, made by people who wouldn't know a laugh it bum-raped them with a knife.
How anyone could find it funny...then again probably no-one did, and it was a case of nepotism* by the BBC mafia. The comedic equivalent of Estuary English. To be overlooked.

EDC: the 'Complete Third and Fourth Series' still in their polythene wrappers and placed on sheet-free bed.

Plaza Patrol (Cannon & Ball)

THE lamest sitcom I've ever seen. Our feckless duo find themselves employed as after-hours security guards in a deserted council mall, (which looked very much like Runcorn Shopping City circa '85). It coulda been a Waiting for Godot for the late 20th century. But it was even more shitterer.
Shortly after this they found God. That this happened around the same time their money ran out was mere coincidence - the real reason was bad karma brought about by years of peddling well-below-the-plimsoll-line gags. Plaza Patrol was the straw that broke the Cannon's back.

PP - featuring ELO's Jeff Lynne as Randy the Supply Teacher.

'Allo 'Allo

The 2nd lamest sitcom. Same crap jokes every fucking week. Cliché. Squared.
When that branch pierced Rene's swede in real life, my Mum did not quite extend her usual high level of sympathy when she found out he'd had his young boyfriend in the car with him at the time (in the same way Jaws' victims "deserved" their fate for such transgressions as pre-marital sex, and disobedience to parents). Awful.

Gordon 'Rafa' Artois - deserved his brain damage according to Tim's heartless, homophobic mother.

The Detectives

Robert Powell and Jasper Carrott. As incompetent detectives. If only they'd played incompetent sitcom writers they'd have been right on the money. It woulda still been crap thoogh.  Appalling viewing.

Carrott gets crapper and crapper with age (or is it just that I become pickier...nah, he gets crapper). Powell is good only for voice overs and his attempts are irony were excruciating. To be missed.

Powell and Davies. Just fuck off.

Only Fools and Horses

While not awful, for me it does not match the level of praise it receives. Net result - disappointment, and a place in this list.
I know some folk who are usually rock solid on important matters of taste and we agree on many things regarding music and film. But it seems even between close friends there is sometimes a single divide that cannot be extrapolated from any previous agreement. When there is to be such a schism, one can only hope to find oneself on the winning side looking down. Happily I feel I am, in this...and all other cases.

Gwyneth Strong as Cass-ahnn-dra, possibly the most complex and brilliantly realised character in British sitcom history.

That one with Jim Davidson as "nick-nick"

Two words - Jim Davidson.

Jim Davidson - OBE?????