"Listen, see, you bastards, people think I can only play grumpy, curmudgeonly Welsh men on the telly, see, and in films, bach*, and I suppose that I DID play a load of curmudgeonly, grumpy blokes (who happened to be Welsh) in 'Please Sir', 'Fawlty Towers', 'Zulu'** and everything else I was in, see, but I can do any accent I bloody well want to, boyo. You just try me. Go on, I dare you.
Scouse, you say? Right? 'Ere goes, see:
"Cor blimey, wacker. See. Top of the mornin', you bastards."
Not bad, eh?
Anyway, what about one of my faaaaarts?
Richard Davies off 'Please Sir'.
*Even I don't know what this means.
**Couldn't really help that one, seeing as my character was Private Jones from Builth Wells (just like that Irish bloke, Kevin Sheedy, see) in the South Welsh Borderers regiment. I couldn't exactly play him as Geordie now***, could I, see?
***Which I could have done. No problem. Just watch this: "Why-aye, boyo, man, woman, man."
See? Piece of piss.
And turn that bloody, bastard harp off.