"Listen, see, you bastards, people think I can only play grumpy, curmudgeonly Welsh men on the telly, see, and in films, bach*, and I suppose that I DID play a load of curmudgeonly, grumpy blokes (who happened to be Welsh) in 'Please Sir', 'Fawlty Towers', 'Zulu'** and everything else I was in, see, but I can do any accent I bloody well want to, boyo. You just try me. Go on, I dare you.

Scouse, you say? Right? 'Ere goes, see:

"Cor blimey, wacker. See. Top of the mornin', you bastards."

Not bad, eh?

Anyway, what about one of my faaaaarts?

That's better

Richard Davies off 'Please Sir'.

 

*Even I don't know what this means.

**Couldn't really help that one, seeing as my character was Private Jones from Builth Wells (just like that Irish bloke, Kevin Sheedy, see) in the South Welsh Borderers regiment. I couldn't exactly play him as Geordie now***, could I, see?

See.

***Which I could have done. No problem. Just watch this: "Why-aye, boyo, man, woman, man."

See? Piece of piss.

And turn that bloody, bastard harp off.