Gary Stringer's Shitcoms

 

1. Blue Heaven (Channel 4 Early 1990s)

Frank Skinner proves that he can't write shitcoms.

For those of us unfortunate enough to hail from Birmingham, this is our equivalent of The Wackers. (You obviously haven't seen The Wackers - SV.) Obviously, not as bad, but completely laugh-free and featuring John Forgeham (Jim Baines from Crossroads) and Paula fucking Willcox as the traditional thick as pigshit Brummies. How to embarrass over one million people in 25 minutes.

The best Wilcox/Hill comedy duo until Desmond Wilcox's and Jimmy Hill's 'Pleasuring Esther' episode of Comedy Playhouse in 1978.

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2. The League of Gentlemen

Adding horror to comedy = a big pile of old wank

Emperor's new clothes rubbish where 'surrealism' plasters over the not funny bits. Not that there were any funny bits.

Former Leeds manager David O'Leary from 'horror' comedy The League of Gentlemen.

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3. Only Fools and Horses

The Nation's Favourite

Why hasn't anyone done this yet? (Er...they have. SV) Hideous sentimentality, the poorest women characters in sitcom history, and the bit in the car where they've just sold the watch for six million pounds and they go 'crazy' - Christ , that's shit. No wonder Ricky Hatton likes it so much. What a cunt he is.

Only Fools - the classic line up: Granville, Rachel, the Kid Who Can't Act, Cassahndra and former Toffees' midfielder Tony Grant.

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4. The Liver Birds

Don't want to slag your city off, but.... (you'd have to get in the fucking queue, mate!)

Have been watching the repeats on Paramount or Comedy Central as it's now known and it's even worse than I than I'd expected. There's times when I just want to......(masturbate furiously over Molly Sugden's maternal b'zooms? SV)...no I don't think I can mention this without getting your site into trouble. (????) Even worse than the old ones was the recent revival with its eco-friendly 'subtexts' and the gargantuan Mollie Sugden (told you) and the more than ample Nerys filling up my telly screen. Shite.

Polly James leaves: Ken Dodd (in drag) arrives. Liverpudlian synchronicity.

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5. Open All Hours

G..G..G.Granville....why don't you f..f..f..f..fuck off?

He was good at taking the piss out of the less than physically perfect was old Ronnie Barker (when he wasn't diddling people in his antiques shop). Good job he was such an athletic specimen himself. Tedious, never-ending shitcom with one plot - will Arkwright ever get to fuck the fat nurse? My thick, ugly Derby County supporting fat racist cunt brother-in-law's favourite ever shitcom. When OAH is on the telly he laughs like a drain. And smells like one.

Barker: World Pocket Billiards Champion 1977

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6. Last of the Summer Wine

The Search for Norah Batty's Clitoris

Written by Roy Clarke (see Open All Hours) and now into its 150th season or something. Everyone you thought was dead (Brian Murphy, Steven Lewis...many, many more) has been re-animated in order to speak the odd unfunny line before being drowned out with canned laughter. My mum likes this and she's only in her late forties (hmmm.....would we?). Another programme that brings shame on my life.

Bill Owen: World Having a Poo Champion 1977

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7. Pretty Much Everything on BBC 3 but Two Pints of Lager in Particular

I'm part of the BBC's demographic for their worst channel - I'm one of those crazy under 35s they are catering for.  Apart from Family Guy and a few bits of 'Pulling' (sorry), this is the worst channel on satellite including BEN and the GOD channel. Anyone who laughs at Two Pints of Lager should have their penises cut off or their fannies glued up. For the good of the country like.

Made by knobheads for knobheads.

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8. Reggie Perrin

They've shortened the title to pack more story in.

I wasn't around for the original but my dad talks about it in hushed tones and he wouldn't be seen dead watching Last of the Summer Wine. The new version is just terrible - Martin Clunes, an over-amped studio audience, Fay fucking Ripley and did I say Martin fucking Clunes trampling all over Leonard Rossiter's grave? Vile.

Clunes: suffering - but not as much as us.

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9. The Piglet Files/The Two of Us/Butterflies/Goodnight Sweetheart/After You've Gone

The Nicholas Lyndhurst Box Set

I doubt if you've got Closer or Unknown Pleasures in your collection if you like any of these.

Oh, do your own caption for this one. Something to do with Daryl Hall.

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10. Dinnerladies

Britain's answer to Curb Your Enthusiasm

 Mavis from Coronation Street and all those twats from the Victoria Wood show including Brum's own Julie Walters. My mum likes it, but like I said before, she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Don't even think she's my real mother come to think of it. She can't be.

Dinnersluts: Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No

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