Saint Vespaluus's Really Effing Horrible Songs (September 2013)


1) Where Do You Go To My Lovely? Peter Sarstedt (1969)

Name-dropping, faux-sincerity spouting musical arse-biscuit  - guaranteed to spoil any civilised human being's day.

2) Alright Now - Free (1970)

Ghastly white man blues - the sort of song that Adam and Russell from Butterflies would 'rock out' to.

3. Black Velvet - Alannah Myles (1989)

A Lambrini/Low IQ classic - for women who think they're 'raunchy'

4) Get Lucky - Daft Punk (2013)

Actually OK for the first listen; but then you have to listen to it again.

5. Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke and Others (2013)

A knobhead's anthem - actually a  deft little pop song spoiled by its ubiquity and its repugnant, sexist lyrics.

6. The House of the Rising Son - The Animals (1964)

Interminable 'blusey' dirge with added sordidness quotient bolstering its top ten status.

7. A Whiter Shade of Pale - Procul Harem (1967)

More interminable dirge - this time with classical allusions and ghastly 'enigmatic' lyrics.

888. Baby, You Can Drive My Car - The Beatles (1964)

The 'peep peep yeah' is a godsend for those who don't understand the principle or purpose of 'flushing' and who like making involuntary noises and who also think attending a McCartney gig is in some way a personal lifetime achievement.

889. I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy/Faith Hill (1997)
Unbelievably emetic eulogy appropriated/misappropriated by the lovesick lower orders pining for their significant others despite the STD reminder proffered by said absent friend.

10. Wherever I Lay My Hat - Paul Young (1983)


Marvin Gaye's jolly promiscuous toe-tapper rendered all moody, serious and awful by the former 'Toast!' singer.

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